Two Boozy Boaters

by Ian H Bruce (2015)

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We are two boozy boaters, cruising England's waterways
Steering fifty foot of narrowboat through an alcoholic haze
With the tiller swinging wildly, from bank to bank we veer
And we take a chunk from every bridge, just like we did last year
We take a chunk from every bridge, just like we did last year

We are two boozy boaters, along the cut we glide
We never pass a public house we just have to go inside
To decide between the Pedigree, Black Sheep or Bombardier?
No question – we just sink them all, just like we did last year

We are two boozy boaters, jolly Roger's flag we fly
Oh, argh, avast you scurvy rats, we shout at passers by
We've swigged the rum quite freely, canal based buccaneers
Now we're feeling sick as pirates, just like we did last year

We are two boozy boaters, who moored far from the bank
So just like ‘nauti’ sailors, we had to walk the plank
But when we returned from the pub we forgot the gap was there
And we stepped into a muddy mire, just like we did last year

We are two boozy boaters, always minding p's and q's
With impeccable behaviour, until we've downed some booze
Then we're loud, uncouth and vulgar, you just pray we'll disappear
But we set off with our ropes still tied, just like we did last year

We are two boozy boaters, our weeks holiday's near done
We'll have to turn the boat around, now that'll cause some fun
Perhaps we'll call for boatyard help after all they are so near
We've not travelled more than half a mile, just like we did last year


Another song about boating and drinking! This was inspired by the frequent sightings of hired day boats loaded to the gunnels with packs of lager and manned by 'crews', often wearing Captain's or pirate hats, who bounce the boats along from bank to bank.